Prodigal daughter

 It never works. Why don't I remember that? Far too often, I'll abandon Him and try to satisfy self, for a few days or weeks. I never learn that the only life worth living is one that seeks Him, daily. I always return to His arms, broken and hurt. Those times when I drop everything to "follow my heart" and chase empty dreams, I never consider how hard it is to pick up the pieces again. And so I begin again, tentative in my faith and unsure of His love.
 I dream of being loved by someone, by anyone. I smile and laugh while searching desperately for approval. They can't hear me screaming, "Love me, love me please! Someone, please love me." I want to much to be treasured, to be enough. I'm a grubby child, stumbling in the dark while I grab desperately at passing strangers, craving their love. I cling and beg, pleading to be loved by those who would only use me, while I run from the One who loves me with a love beyond my imagination. I reject His perfect love for the chance to have a love that is only a fleeting shadow. If I want love so much, why do I reject the only love that can heal me, the only love that can cease my strivings? Why do I reject Him again, and reach with the hands that His love has made clean, grasping for the filth and pain once more? Why am I still searching?

  "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."  1 John 4:16

 I want Him to teach me to rely on His love. So much happens because I forget. I forget that He loves me, or I stop believing Him when He says He does. He is enough, has always been enough, and will always be enough. I'm so forgetful. I need Him to remind me every day of who He is, and who that makes me.